Allman Hill

Allman Hill


Part 1: Caught

Norah

The wind envelops me in the scent of your beard and sweet breath, the air that resides in the curve of  your thumb.  Those beautiful hazel eyes peer at my naked flesh from the trees as the branches above remind me how you touch. I shut my eyes, letting my senses take you in in our place. You’re almost here if I shut them. And I know you almost wish you were.
I return to this old room before they even know I’ve gone. This room, so brown and plain. No decoration, no thought or feeling. Old before its time, much like me and the other people here. Maybe that’s why I feel so close to it; because we are the same. A grunt interrupts my thought. Clothes half-on, I whip around to find Andy, hand in his tented pants and eyes glued between chin and belly. I’m frantic to cover up as his hand flies back and into the door frame.
“M- Sh- I mean. Dr. Rae wants to see you now.”  He barely makes it through his stutter before I’m dressed; his eyes down at the floor and looking near tears. Yeah, I’m embarrassed too, pal.
I make my way over to him, moping. He steps aside to let me out the door then falls into step beside me, as he always does. He doesn’t care that everyone stares at us while he stares at me. Poor Andy. He’s the kind of guy you’d like if he weren’t such a perv. Nineteen. Deep blue eyes; ashen hair with a dashing smile. He’s tall, too tall, and definitely built. And sweet as pudding. Probably why he’s a doctor’s lackey here; that and he’s the doctor’s son. That has to help. We round the corner and all I can think is “poor Andy”, though I’m sure he’s thinking “poor Norah.” But I have a plan to change that.
“Please, sit,” Dr. Rae gestures to the seat directly in front of hers. She says there’s healing in closeness. Not sure I believe it.
“Ah, Norah,” she sighs. “My good girl. Where were you this morning, my dear? I was supposed to see you at nine o’ clock.”
Crap. I knew she’d ask…bathroom? Period trouble? Sure, play the girl card.
“The bathroom….that time again….” my, the ceiling is riveting today…
“Uh-huh. Just like last week then?” she waits for another lie, thinking I can’t deliver. But I can- halfheartedly, at least.
“They’re real long for me.” No good.
“Norah.” It takes a minute to answer as I float around her son’s deep blue eyes, placed nicely right below her eyebrows.
“….mmmm?”
“You left again and we both know it. Everyone knows it. You aren’t exactly sneaky, you know. Were you alone this time?” Damn it. Why do I even try to lie to this woman? Let’s try again.
“Completely.”
“Why do you even try to lie to me?” Damn her and her crafty little mind. A shrug will work.
“No good in this game Norah. Who were you with?” She’s pissed now, and her lie-dar is definitely going. No time for more lies or sarcasm.
“Christian.” She takes note of that for the first time in a long time, and I take note of her blatant  disapproval.
“And this time?”
“He tried…he wasn’t really there. I asked him to come, but he gave himself only to my senses. I smelled him; felt him. Saw his beautiful eyes. But he wouldn’t love me today. Couldn’t. He had somewhere to be. It was important, I know that. But he gave all he could. He always does. Maybe tomorrow he’ll have time….he’s--”  I shut my mouth and taste my tears, both of us realizing this is the most I’ve ever spoken to her- or anyone here- at one time.
“Busy man.”
“Lovely man,” I choke. There’s a knock that forces the doctor to the door, leaving me to carry out the first half of my plan. I grab a Post-It and a pen and replace it by the time she’s done at the door.
“I’m afraid we’ll have to stop here today.” I leap up, practically smacking my head on the doorknob in my escape efforts, halted by a hand on my wrist.
“Norah,” her blue eyes tap into my soul and for the first time, I’m afraid of her. “Stay with us, love.”

~~~~~

Andy

“I’m afraid we’ll have to stop here.” Norah leaps as I shut my crack in the door, nearly smacking her head into the knob. Oops. I huddle up to the wall to act as though I wasn’t even here prior to now.
“--here, love.”  The door swings open and there she is. A great, big, beautiful girl. Pale; lovely. With black eyes and brown hair. She’s a screaming beauty. Tiny, fidgety. Her silence interrupts me, as usual. My Norah never speaks to me; why would she? I can’t even speak to her. Just smile; make her half-smile. But never really speak to her. So why can he?
“H- here.” She hands me a crumpled, pink Post-It note, avoiding my eyes. Then she’s in her room, away from me. But her voice! She’d given me a word. Not mother, me. And one was magnificently enough. But there were more in my hand. Heart thumping, I read her tiny print.

When you finish with your mother,
come see me.
    -N.

Fuck me sideways, I must be in it deep. She’s never actually wanted me to come see her. I knew earlier was bad, I knew it! But I didn’t have it in me to stop, and now my love hated me. I would fix it later… mother first.
“Andy,” she breathes, seeing me in her doorway. The knob clicks behind me like a wet tongue.

~~~~~

Norah

How could I? How could I possibly follow through on what I had written on that paper? Who wrote that note? Not me…not my heart. Just my hand.
“Food!” Sneaky little shits have got to quit doing that to me! “I even brought you a little pudding,” Ken whispers, while winking and pulling it from his sleeve. A magician with an exit to match. But boy, he knows the way to a fat girl’s heart. But where was Andy? Am I truly so repulsive that my note held no appeal? Maybe it was one of the famously long “discuss the rest of us” meetings, or maybe it was Andy’s turn to talk. But either way, he’d be staring at a tray right now, just like me and everyone else, only with one difference. I was waiting to take off, and he was waiting to come.
Food choked down, I make my way into my personal bathroom. I take off my pants…my top. Let the undergarments slip to the floor, with shaking fingers taking my jaw with them. No! This was all wrong! Where was my body? No scars; supple breasts. A flat stomach with legs up to there. I had it just earlier, why was I now this instead? Post-It’s are mean little bastards. No way I could let this be seen twice. Poor Andy saw it once already.

~~~~~

Andy

I hurry down the hallway, buttoning my shirt in the wrong holes, re-buttoning again. That took much too long. Much too distracted, caught up in what might happen to me around this corner. Would she yell? Surely not my little Norah.
I jiggle her knob, already knowing she’s locked it. Earlier this afternoon was a rare thing, and it would never happen again after my lovely performance.
I crack the door to soft cries, moonlight bouncing off of Norah’s face.
Her blackened eyes hollow my stomach. “I-I’m sorry I’m…” her sheet slips and I gulp, “late.” I give her my best apologetic look and she pats the bed between her thighs. I walk slowly to take a seat and the edge, far from where she requested I go. She sighs lightly.
“I’m sorry, Norah. I know you probably want to yell. You’re probably repulsed by me. But I couldn’t help myself when I saw you like that. But please know that I am so very sorry,” I end with a cracking voice and let my eyes fall from hers. She doesn’t speak to me, just holds her gaze. “I wouldn’t forgive me either. It was…I don’t really have a word for it. Repulsive is probably as good a word as any. It’s alright to hate me.” I say almost too quietly, waiting for her to answer me. I push my knees with my hands and turn away from my Norah, taking one step before her delicate hand clasps my wrist. One hand on her sheet, the other falling to the hem of my shirt. She pulls it gently up and over my head with ease, dropping it and my sanity to the floor.
“Nor-” her finger presses my lips and steals the rest of her name. She drops to her knees in front of me and wraps her hands to the backs of my thighs, resting her hot cheek on my belly. I place my hands gently in her dark, soft curls.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. Minutes pass of her muttering those words over and over while she cries. Her hands release my legs and she rises, handing me my shirt. I take it as my cue and slither out her door. Whatever just happened was beautiful, and my mind clutches tight that moment as I drift to sleep.

Part 2: Learning

Andy

It’s been two days since my night with Norah, both of them without her. I haven’t been her escort; Ken escorts the ladies on the weekends. While I’ve cherished my night, I wonder if she’s also given Ken one to cherish. But now I walk to her door, ready for my short walk with her.

~~~~~

Norah

How could I have been so weak? To speak to him, cry in front of him…to touch him. My cheek still feels him. And somehow my days with Ken feel wrong now. He speaks to me, tries to break my carefully crafted shell. But his eyes are too green…too uncaring. He drops me at my door and I will spend my time with Christian until sunrise.

A knock! Andy! It has to be…why is he knocking? There isn’t much of a point to that anymore that I can see. His slightly crooked nose pokes through my door with a gruff morning voice.
“Morning sunshine.” He’s unusually cheery, especially for it being so early by his standards. “Ready for girl talk?” He smiles one of his rare smiles that means he is genuinely happy. I want to talk to him. Ask him about his weekend…why he’s so happy. But I have no voice. We fall into step, but I fall farther from him than usual so  as no one around will wonder about us.
His face falls at the sight. “Norah?” I look at him to make sure he knows I will listen. “You look beautiful today,” he says attempting a smile. No, I most certainly do not. What’s his plan here? But as I see Dr. Rae’s slender form in her door I realize that’s a thought for later.
She glares in my direction, then Andy’s. “Andy,” she nods. Andy looks scared for once, and so does everyone passing by.
“Mother,” he has his eyes locked somewhere beyond her, never on her. “I’ll be back for her, on the hour.” She pulls my arm roughly and shuts the door in his face. Family spat I suppose.
“How was your weekend?” she asks, and for the first time she sounds very uncaring. But the thought of my weekend makes me smile.
“Good,” I say, and she raises an eyebrow that makes me realize I should have at least attempted the lie.
“And how’s Christian?” Fuck.
“Him. As usual.” I never should have said so much last time. She expects it now, waiting for the whole story. “He was there,” I sigh.
“How there?” she asks impatiently. She’s asking if he flaked on me without truly asking, and she’s irritating me. But I spill my guts, setting the record for how long I’ve talked at a straight twenty-six minutes.
“He came to me this time. You should’ve seen him, Rae, striding over that hill. Hair flipping with the wind, eyes hidden with glasses darkened by the sweet smelling sunshine. Our place is magnificent, I couldn’t believe my eyes when he showed it to me the first time.
I ran through the tall grass, letting it whip me in my knees and thighs. And I collided with him; he picked me up and let me wrap my legs around his. He kissed my neck and I inhaled the clean scent of his. Then I looked at him as I always do, savoring him in case it will be my last time. He looked somehow older this time in his face and posture.
“Acceptable?” he asked, holding out his arms and grinning. He dropped gracefully into the grass- my God, Rae, you should see him- and patted his stomach for my head. He ran his hands in my hair; kissed each of my fingers while he talked. He spoke of work, family, weather and writing. We laughed; God, we laughed. Seems like I went on forever that day. Laughing and talking endlessly,” I smile at her and wipe my tears. “He had to shut me up with kisses,” and I can’t help but chuckle. “Can you believe that? Me. His lips are….goddamn those lips. But when it came time to go, he went right back over our hill with a light brush on my cheek. No goodbye. Never a goodbye, because that would mean it’s over, or so he says.” And it was over. And even Rae cried.

~~~~~

Andy

Shit! Norah was so broken. I could hear her and my mother cry as she told her she could stop now, that it was enough. It was a beautifully messed up story, and more messed up than even Norah thought.
The passersby stare at me as I wait for my love, thinking it odd what I am doing for her. Norah’s tear-streaked face appears in my eyes, followed by my mother’s.
She smiles, “We’re done, dear, take her back.” Norah begins to walk and mother grabs me by my collar and puts her teeth to my ear. “And then get your ass back here.”
I shuffle up to Norah, rubbing my ear and collar in disgust. “Sorry, always in trouble,” I say with half of a chuckle in my voice. She’s more fidgety than usual, grabbing her hair and chewing on her plump bottom lip. I brush her hand with mine and whisper “you alright, honey?”
And her hand doesn’t shy from mine as she whispers, “will you come tonight?” With a gulp I nod my head to confirm, afraid for others to hear. But the hallway is half-empty at this time of night. I kiss her hand and she goes into her room as I creep back to Mother as slowly as possible.
When I knock she answers in a provocative tone, “Come in, pretty boy.” I open the door to her spread put on her desk, shirt unbuttoned to show her large breasts popping out of her too small bra. She grins and spreads her legs. No panties. So difficult to look at. I’m so sorry Norah.
Her finger bends slowly back and forth to her face with her red glossy lips showing her teeth.
“Hurry, baby boy, and lock the door.” I click the lock and strip off my shirt to leave only jeans. I walk to her desk and she sits up, letting her breasts fall out of the unbuttoned white blouse and her lacy bra to my feet.
Leaning back onto her hands she breathes, “touch them,” and I follow her instructions, rubbing and tugging at her nipples. She growls at me, “Use your mouth.” And I do. Tongue, lips and teeth working her body into a shaking mess. She pushes me back and pulls my pants down to reveal the V shape right before the good stuff. She kisses me from belly button to V as I rub her back. She moans softly, pulling my head in between her legs.
“Do it, sweetheart, and do it right.” And somehow I do, like so many times before for this bitch. She has her fill and pushes me out of her, pulling my pants to my knees. She’s writhing and whining, making me sick all over my body.
She plays with me to try and get her fill of why I am here, and I couldn’t be more ashamed when I shoot up like a rocket for my own mother.
“In, in, in, baby doll, in!” she cries. I have the urge to vomit and my skin crawls as always when I give her what she wants. She’s nearly high enough now, and God help me, so am I.

~~~~~

Norah

It’s been sunset already and I’m still waiting for Andy. He heard me in with Dr. Rae earlier, he always does. And tonight I intend to show him our hill. I can’t explain why he’s deserving, but Christian could should I ask, I knew that much. He knew more of me than I ever did. I wiggle from my clothes so that I am ready to leave. My door cracks and Andy is here. He stares at me plainly as if I had a heavy winter coat on, void of emotion or any sexual rush this time. I’ve no time to wonder why before he begins to speak.

Part 3: Broken

Norah

“Sorry,” he says as his eyes creep up and down my body while I notice he reeks of sex. “I got held up. Suppose I’m always late.” He looks shattered; detached. Cold. “Andy, I-” his eyes roll back and he sighs at his name. “Are you alright?”  He sighs and holds as if pondering the answer, then shakes his head. Emotion brimming, I grab him and kiss his lips. He folds and kisses me softly until I pull back,
“I want to show you something,” I say, pressing him with my breasts. “Will you leave with me? Just for a bit, babe…” I’ve got him. I can fix him.

~~~~~

Andy

She’s got her breasts placed on my belly and it confuses me into incoherency. “C- wah- dar…fuck.” I push her off of me to collect my thoughts.
“We’re not allowed to leave, sweetie.” Saying this makes her lips puff out and steal my breath.
“Andy, I do it a lot. Please?”  And when I look into her black eyes, I see something that scares me to death. They’re glossy and odd, and I realize exactly what she means when I recall Mother calling those her “Christian eyes.” She’s already gone. My breath catches. “Okay, love.” She undresses me while she explains why it’s necessary to do so and stares into my eyes like she’s memorizing my features for the very last time.
“Ready?” she’s smiling. I have never seen my angel crack a full smile, and my heart flips in my chest at the sight.
“Ready,” I tell her in my shaking voice. She takes my hand and pulls me out the window, only walking about a few feet before she stops and turns to me. She stretches out her arms like she’s ready to give the universe a hug. “Isn’t it the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?” She inhales as deeply as she can, then plops into the grass on her back with her beautiful eyes closed. She opens them with tears resting at their bases and says “Come here, Andy.” I go and lay down beside her, keeping my eyes on the building next to my left arm. She curls herself up onto my chest like a big cat and sighs contentedly at where she must have gone. The happiest person in the world.
“He won’t come tonight. I asked him if he would come to meet you, but he said he couldn’t bear the thought. He’s beautiful, you know. Couldn’t be cuter when his face is scruffy from a few days without a shave.” I feel her smile on my chest, and something wells inside me with the need to confess it all to her. Confess everything to the craziest person I have ever met, and the love of my life. “I love you, Norah. Always have. But you need to know something about me….”
“I love you, too, Andy.” But something in her voice falters, and she doesn’t look at me until I pull her face to mine. Her tears fall down in silent streaks, and I have to ask, forgetting to tell her I just fucked my mother. “Who do you love more, Norah?” Her pause is enough.
“I don’t know. I’ve loved him what seems like my whole life, and you for the year I’ve spent here. I don’t know which is more, or which matters, but I know that I do love you.” Her eyes are still for Christian, and her voice sleepy. She rolls over and makes love to me, love that actually matters. I can tell her what matters. I can tell her. And as I hold her in my arms, I do. “This love matters, babe. This one that you feel around your body. My arms are real, and my arms matter. My lips on your forehead matter. Me telling you I love you with all that I am, matters. Past is past. For both of us. And what we don‘t know is what we don‘t have to know, love. But I love you, Norah.” She says nothing, and I once again pull her face to mine. Her eyes are no longer Christian. Her eyes are dead.